Cardiogirl 19 percent body fat 100 percent fun


uptight and trying to stay that way


I have never considered myself a "live in the moment" kind of gal. I am a planner and I'm usually pretty organized. But this third child of mine is really interfering with my anal-retentive traits and various neuroses. It's hard to be uptight when you have young children running around. You know, in the scheme of things this is probably a good change for me.

Sometimes I imagine God is sitting back saying, "I know she thought she couldn't handle three children. Heck, I know she didn't plan on having three children" (this is where He laughs heartily and slaps His knee). "But she was wound up tight. This was the only way I could get her to relax a bit."

I realized today that I hadn't made the month-at-a-glance calendar for the kitchen. I had to resort to this during the 2006-2007 school year so I could remember when the oldest had Brownies meetings, when the middle one had dance class, when they both had gymnastics, when school was closed on a random Friday and when the baby had to see the pediatrician.

With the end of school, I did not make the June calendar. And I missed the meeting where I am to learn what I am supposed to do during Vacation Bible School the week of June 25th. Initially this Bible School was supposed to be a nice break for me. You know, the older two would go Monday through Thursday from 9:15 until noon. I would have some down time with the baby and everything would be copacetic.


I have a hard time saying no. (You're surprised, I know. It is shocking.) So when the woman from church called and asked if I would be able to volunteer I told her I didn't have anyone to take care of the baby (who is almost 2 and not so much a baby, but is very clingy, nonetheless.) So she counters with, "We'll have child care available for free."

Okay, now we're talking. So I tell her, "I'm down with that." Later she calls and tells me we have a volunteer meeting on Monday, June 11th at 7 pm. So I'm all proud of myself that I wrote it in my Franklin Covey planner. After I marked it in the box labeled the 11th, I shut the planner and never opened it again.

Cut to June 13th, the last day of school for my preschooler. I run into this woman in the hall and we exchange pleasant hellos. About eight footsteps later I remember I missed the meeting. I run back to her and say, "Tell me the meeting is NEXT Monday. I didn't miss it, did I? I missed it, didn't I?" She says yes but she's really mellow and understanding and I know she really didn't care about it as much as I did. Then she casually mentions that I was the only mother who needed child care and it didn't quite work out, but that's okay because my two-year-old can just shadow me while I work with the preschoolers. (Translation: the other mothers with small children weren't stupid enough to agree to volunteering and this is gonna suck it big time.)

So she says I can pick up the information at the church office the next day (Thursday) which was the last day of school for my first-grader. Okay, I wipe the sweat off my brow and feel relief flood over me regarding missing the meeting. (I told you I was uptight.)

This morning (June 18th) I realized I never picked up the information. Guess I'll have to do that today. My point here is that I desperately need my month-at-a-glance calendar in the kitchen. When I don't have my calendar to refer to it's just a carpe diem free for all. And that is uncomfortable for me because it means I miss what's going on in the rest of the world and become unreliable.

Having the calendar feels like a weird maternal rite of passage that I didn't want to have to resort to. I have big issues regarding control (again, I know you're shocked). It's too lengthy to get into here, but the calendar makes me realize things are getting overwhelming and I am losing control. It also makes me feel like a "Soccer Mom" a label I am not cool with. I think that's why I am trying to lose the last of my baby weight. I want to look good. Period. I don't want to look good "for someone who has given birth to three children."

I told you, it's hard to hang on to these neuroses with the kids running around, but I am doing my best.


2007-06-18 at 9:02 a.m.

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