2007-09-09
remember The Gap Girls on SNL?
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A couple of weeks ago I went out to McDonald's with my mom, my kids and my two nieces -- Jane and Jennifer. Jane will be 14 next month and Jennifer is 20. You may recall Jennifer is the niece who gave me a makeover to catapult me into the 21st century. She straightened my hair and let me borrow her clothes for the transformation.
Anyway, my kids were running around the Playland area and we were trying to gather our stuff and clean up the booth before we left. Jane was clearing the table of left over food and she asked me if I was done with my fries.
I frantically said, "NO! No, I'm going to eat those," and then I started laughing. I asked her if she remembered the Saturday Night Live skit with The Gap Girls. I am 39. Jane is 14. She had no idea what I was talking about. So then I tried to explain and she wasn't really getting it. I told her if she saw it, she would think it was really funny.
I wish she was reading this post because she'd be able to watch it for herself. I present to you the clip that was running through my head at that moment. I, of course, would be "Cindy" who is bogarting the fries.
(Yes, if I'm old and unhip I'm going to dust off some of my favorite phrases from the [cringe] '80s. For the uninitiated, "bogarting" mean taking all of an item, hence "bogarting the fries or bogarting the bong." Not that I would know anything about using a cardboard roll from the inside of a paper towel roll and tin foil to create a receptacle for illegal substances that make one giddy and crave junk food.)
So then I tried to appeal to Jennifer, who is older. Surely Jennifer, who is in college, should know what I am talking about, right? I received a blank stare in response from her, as well.
Man I felt old.
On a different note, I told you I was completely riddled with anxiety a few weeks ago because the information about my jackass brother-in-law was revealed to my father.
(Side note: when I was explaining the tweaks the Marketing Department has made to this site I mentioned that I wasn't sure if the word jackass was consistently spelled as one word or two. I am happy to report the Marketing gurus checked things out and it is used consistently throughout the site as one word. So if you would like to search for all references to the brother-in-law as a jackass you can simply type in the word "jackass" in the search box up there on the right and rest assured you will find all of the information you are seeking.)
But then, once it was out, I experienced a huge sense of relief. I am still experiencing the calm and relief, thank you very much. But I found out another piece of information that surprised me.
Rob took a vacation to Florida last month by himself. He left Caroline and their two teenage sons at home and took a one week vacation to Florida alone.
Wow. More on that in a minute.
Back when Rob gave me the letter, my husband and I thought for sure Caroline would divorce Rob. But as time went on and that didn't happen, I was perplexed. Then I realized Caroline is very smart and very cunning. Trust me when I say, you don't want to get on her bad side.
I told my husband I bet Caroline told Rob he was not going to divorce her. Evah. She could take him down to his knees in a heartbeat if they ever went to court. He is the owner and CEO of a thriving business and Caroline would find a way to get more than half of that money and his nuts in a velvet designer bag, to boot. I am speculating that she has him financially over a barrel.
And I am also betting the Rob told her fine. I will be married to you in name only (to keep the assets available) but emotionally and physically I am out of here. Hence the vacation. I'm not sure if he took another women with him on the flight to Florida or if he met someone while he was there. But I am sure he wasn't alone.
I told you he was a jackass.
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Sending out a thank you: I'm sending an extra 1000 strides on the elliptical trainer to cherryglaze who added me as a favorite recently. Thanks cherryglaze!
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2007-09-09 at 6:17 a.m.
