Cardiogirl 19 percent body fat 100 percent fun


there was something for everyone yesterday


I have a couple of reasons to be excited today. (Can you see the sequins on today's Converse? That's reason alone for excitement!) Yesterday was our last day of pooper scooping. Listen closely; can you hear that buzz in the background? That's the chorus of angels rejoicing in Heaven. To say I am ecstatically relieved that I do not have to scoop dog feces is such an understatement; I can't even begin to tell you. Alleluia and Amen!

So as you have probably figured out, we went shopping at the mall yesterday afternoon to spend our earnings. When we got to Build-A-Bear Workshop we were surprised to learn Hello Kitty "took vacation to get a tan." That is exactly what the girl told me when I asked, "Where is Hello Kitty?" So I further questioned, "Is she going to have tan fur when she gets back?" And the girl said, "I don't know. I've been wondering about that myself."

Allison wasn't fazed by Hello Kitty's disappearance. She moved on to Purrincess Kitty in a heart beat.

As you may know, purchasing a Build-A-Bear animal is an interactive experience that cannot be rushed. You press the pedal with your foot to fill the animal, you pick a heart for your animal, you jump up and down, kiss the heart, wash the animal, pick its clothes, and print a birth certificate before you can escape leave the store with your purchase.

But Allison had fun.

Next we headed over to Limited Too for Katie. She was truly overwhelmed with excitement. After many, many faux choices which included many stints of standing in line at the cash register then running back to pick something else, she decided on a landline phone that looks like a cell phone. It actually has a cord that you plug into the wall and works as a phone. The list price was $18.50 (!!) but I told her if that's what she wanted, that's what she could spend her $25.00 on. When we got to the register it rung up on clearance as $1.99 (which I believe is the true worth of said item.)

So that was a bonus. She also ended up going to Claire's and bought a hot pink leather wallet, a small purse with a picture of a dog on it and maroon nail polish. I did have to spot her $2.00 but it worked out in the end.

And Katie had fun, too.

When we pulled into our driveway it was my turn to have fun. V@nce was in front of his house pulling weeds. You remember V@nce, don't you? I have been on a mission to find out his pen name from the moment he uttered those words.

Mission accomplished, baby!

I was so excited I ran right over there, locking Allison inside of the car by accident. She was fine, don't go calling Protective Services on me. Purrincess Kitty kept her company until I realized what I had done and sent Katie back to rescue her sister.

N@om! N@sh, aka N@om! Ne@le, aka V@nce gave me glossy book covers from six of his novels. Some of the titles are, "C@lender Girl," "The M!le H!gh H@!r Club" and "You @re So Cursed!" Yes, I am nervous that he might think about Googling his titles and pen name to see what I wrote, if I wrote anything.

Chances are good he forgot everything I told him about my little blog (which wasn't much more than admitting I have one) and he will not even think twice about me. But just in case, I am spelling the titles and the pen name with at signs and exclamation points just to be careful. Thanks for indulging my paranoia (insert nervous chuckle here).

I knew he was cagey for a reason. The publisher of his books refers to his genre as "Chick Lit" as in Literature for Women (Chicks). And he writes as if he is a woman. This story is not even close to over, lest you think I am satisfied with my investigative work.

I went into our house with the book covers in tow and told hubby what I had discovered. This is where hubby needs to work on his responses to me. He could not be less interested in my find. He does not care about gossip or juicy details regarding the neighbor or Britney Spears.

So I hopped on Google and then went to our local library's website to find his books. You didn't think I was going to buy one of his books, did you? How many times do I have to remind you I am cheap as a monkey?

I found a couple of his books at the next city's library and put a hold on one. (I usually go to the B Library because they have a parking lot and the parking is free. Our city's library backs up to a lot with meters and I hate having to pay to park. I could park across the street in the Farmer's Market/Municipal Building's parking lot where there is free parking, but it's usually full, hence my irritation at going to our city's library.) So I promptly jumped in the car armed with my trusty library card and drove on over to B Public Library. As I pulled into the parking lot I thought it was weird that there was only one car in the lot on a Saturday afternoon.

Then I drove up near the entrance and read the reminder sign that said the library will be closed on Saturdays during the summer. Grr! I quickly moved on to Plan B and drove back to our library thinking I will try to park for free, but if I must, I will spend five cents on parking in the metered lot, so I can read one of V@nce's novels.

Again, I was surprised to see there was ample parking at the Farmer's Market. Groovy. I parked the car and crossed the street almost running to the library in anticipation. I took the steps that lead up to the library two at a time as I approached the sliding glass doors.

That is when I saw the sign on the door that said the R Public Library will be closed on Saturday and Monday for Labor Day and will re-open on Tuesday. I was so disappointed and irritated that I actually said, "F*ck" out loud.

Since it only takes three bricks to fall on my head, I opted to go home and make phone calls instead of driving even further out of my way to the T Public Library. They're all closed this weekend. And on Monday. Labor Day. Dammit!

Then I drove to B*rder's. Foiled AGAIN! B*rder's doesn't carry the actual books. You can order a book from N@omi Ne@le through B*rder's and it will arrive in seven days or else it's free. I don't have seven days. I want to read his book NOW!

Okay, I understand this has galloped headlong into obsession. I'm cool with that. I just want to read one of his books. It is beyond me why he won't just let me borrow one of the actual books that we both know is resting peacefully on his bookshelf. A mere 300 feet away from my own house. And yet still elusive.

His lack of full disclosure is what has fueled my intense curiosity. Why won't you just give me a copy of one of your books, V@nce?! Why must I hunt you down like a rare and elusive hummingbird seen only once every decade during the Vernal Equinox?

Rest assured, V@nce, I have binoculars, a bird watching guide and tons of coffee at my disposal. And I do enjoy a challenge.

Addendum: I just found an excerpt from C@lendar G!rl over at amazon {dot} com. Now I can actually read a little bit of his work before I go to the library on Tuesday. I love the world wide web! Technorati Profile


2007-09-02 at 8:10 a.m.

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