Cardiogirl 19 percent body fat 100 percent fun


calling dr. cardiogirl, stat


I don't know why, but I am interested in all things medical. Discovery Health seems to know this about me and graciously provides me with many opportunities to further my hypothetical MD status. I consider each show a course in extended learning at a satellite location (my home). I have to keep current with my pretend medical license, you know.

I think I know enough to be dangerous. Recently, I have run across the phrase "When you hear hoofbeats think horses not zebras." Unfortunately, I tend to have a zoo full of zebras in the cages of my mind when it comes to self diagnosing. But I have to say, I'm getting better at deciphering symptoms. This last year my success rate of diagnosing my own condition has been around 75%. I sort of view the doctor as my professor.

Of course, he has no idea I'm doing this. I don't want him to think I'm a psycho.

I just research my proposed ailment, make an appointment, present my case and then mentally compare the findings. As I said, 75% of the time I am correct in what I thought was wrong and what the proposed treatment is. The last time I went in (for a sprained ankle) I almost slipped and said, "You're right! To ensure range of motion I should be tracing the alphabet with my foot." I caught myself just in time. (See the aforementioned fear of psycho status.)

This is why I wish I had a good friend from college who was a doctor (who I could tap for knowledge when I get stuck in my studies). My babysitter's father is a medical doctor, however, he does not practice medicine. He works in the healthcare profession sort of as a computer liason.

He's good for the occasional scenario, but we're not really friends. We're somewhere between acquaintences and friends. So I try to limit the amount of questions I send his way. I don't want to scare him off. It's like he's a deer in the forest and I'm holding out a corn cob. Right now I have him nibbling the cob but any sudden movement could make him gallop back into the underbrush.

Time for a side note: Rachel, my kids' babysitter and daughter of the doctor who is a computer liason, told me about their family doctor. He has a really loud voice and he tape records his notes just outside the door of the exam room.

So one time she and her mother heard that doctor recording some notes before he entered their exam room. In addition to noting the physical ailment he said something to the effect that "the parents appear to be intelligent and well-educated." She asked her dad about that later. He thought that the doctor meant the parents were able to understand that doctor's diagnosis and that the doctor didn't have to spend a lot of time explaining (to the parents).

Of course hearing that made me want to truffle around in my own doctor's notes about me. I actually dreamt about that once. Somehow I was in the back office with all of the metal file cabinets. I was looking for my own file but got sidetracked on someone else's file and there was a glossy 8x10 photo of that person's toes in the file. I was looking at the picture when my doctor walked in and busted me holding the photo.

I tried to stammer my way out of it, but basically I was caught red-handed. I think he laughed before I woke up.

I wonder if there is a class in medical school called "Doctor's Notes 101." Lesson one: Never tape record your notes within earshot. Lesson two: If you're going to label someone as a psycho use the more friendly (and less universally understood) term "non compos mentis."


2007-07-04 at 7:00 a.m.

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