2007-02-21
some notes from me
|TO: My subconscience
FROM: Cardiogirl
RE: The dream I had last night
You are so sweet.
I think this is the first time I have ever dreamt that a kid told me I didn't need to lose weight. At first he looked like he was a surly teenager, I thought he was going to give me some attitude as I was out running with another mother from school.
And by the way, that was a weird touch making the other mother a widow with four kids. Oh, right. I just finished reading that book "Good Grief" by Lolly Winston and it's about a 30-something woman (without children) experiencing her first year as a widow. That makes sense now.
But I was surprised that the teenager was nice to me and expressed disbelief as I ran by with the other mother in an effort to get in shape. He seemed so genuine when he said, "You do not need to lose weight. You look fine."
Thanks for the momentary boost in self esteem.
*
TO: The oil glands on my face
FROM: Cardiogirl
RE: The recent break out of acne
Alright, I understand the acne I experienced as a teenager and into my early twenties wasn't as bad as it could have been. There are no pockmark scars left (thank you) but I did deal with you already. Aren't you supposed to be under control when a person is clearly in middle age and definitely when a woman is heading toward menopause?
I was nervous, okay? My sister had an ovary removed and had to wait a week to see if it was cancerous (thank God it wasn't) and then four days later I had to take my sweet, innocent baby to the hospital to have tubes put in her ears. I was stressed out. I did the requisite over-eating as a coping mechanism. Isn't that enough?
Clearly the answer came in the form of various zits and boils in and around the chin/mouth area of my face. Why do you spite me? I am 39 and I will not stand for this.
I am setting boundaries for us: you are not allowed to express yourself on my face except for the occasional easy-to-pop white head around the side of my nose during my period. Remember that.
*
TO: Winter
FROM: Cardiogirl
RE: Your wonky presence in Michigan
What's the deal, chick? I do not understand your bipolar existence this year. I have made it clear that I don't like you. In years past you have been self-actualized and were immune to what I and other people thought of you. You dumped tons of snow when you wanted to, you iced up the streets just to make it interesting and you blew the wind whenever you felt like it. Now you're feeble and faltering. I'm starting to think you're trying to please everybody.
I actually gave you credit last week when you stood up and dumped some snow. Now it was only about six inches, but you threw everyone into a tizzy here. School was canceled (grrr) and the local news got excited. But yesterday it was 45 degrees. I actually left my spring coat on the hook and wore a zip up sweatshirt to pick up my kid from school.
I have documented my plight against you. I am wearing my spring jacket in silent protest. I'm kind of like a Black Panther but my jacket is light purple, so I guess that makes me a Lavender Panther. Regardless, I would respect you more if you would just give it your last go. Dump some snow, hang around for a respectable amount of time (til mid March, let's say) and then leave. Pack it up and move on, girl.
No one likes a spastic chick who can't make up her mind. Get your head together, figure out what you want to do, do it and then move on. I promise I'll respect you in the morning.
2007-02-21 at 6:07 a.m.
