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Part 7: Kim and Todd


To recap: Kim is my third sister and after 23 years of marriage her divorce was finalized in May of 2006.

So Todd and Kim separated in September 2005. Since Kim initiated everything she was the one to move out of the house. For roughly the first five months or so she rented the upstairs bedroom of a house owned by a 60-something man named Larry. He was a major introvert and really quiet, so it worked out fine for a while, but eventually Larry decided to sell the house.

It wasn't in the best part of town anyway, so Kim ended up renting a bedroom from a 50-something anal retentive named Wendy. This was in a better part of town, but pretty much out in the sticks. And Wendy had a ton of rules. Seriously.

In the morning, after making coffee but before leaving the house, Kim had to unplug the coffee maker because Wendy thought her cats would turn it on and burn down the house. After taking a shower she had to put her towel outside on the line to dry or run it in the dryer for no more than 10 minutes and remove it before leaving the house. Otherwise, Wendy would chase her around the house doing these things for her, but chastising her for not doing them herself.

Kim stayed there for about two weeks and then moved in temporarily with a friend.

Eventually, Todd refinanced their house and bought Kim out. Now she has her own condo where she can leave the coffee maker plugged in all day and run the dryer as much as she wants. And you know she does it, just because she can.

So now both she and Todd are out in the dating world. They both started dating when they separated in September last year, but Kim is not ready to be in a committed relationship yet. She doesn't want to sit at home every night, but she doesn't want to settle for just anyone, either.

To our surprise, Todd got engaged in October 2006. That seemed fast to me, but he could have met her soon after the separation and technically they could have been dating for a year now. Still, it seems really fast and the woman, Victoria, looks like the complete opposite of Kim.

My husband speculated that Todd wants to be married and wants someone else who wants to be married. This is SO judgmental, but based on the picture I saw, Victoria looks like she wants to be married. She's kind of matronly, I'll just leave it at that.

I'm going to have a chance to meet Victoria in person during the summer of 2007. Todd and Kim's daughter Annie will graduate from high school and they are going to come up here for a graduation party with the extended family. So I would imagine Todd will be bringing his new wife with him to the party.

That is going to be very weird, because the party is going to be held at Caroline's house. Oh yeah, besides being weird because I'll be in the same airspace with Caroline's butthead husband, Rob (who I have not seen for 10 months now) it will be weird to see Todd with another wife. One that is not my sister.

That is going to be so bizarre. I have known Todd since I was 14 years old. We weren't particularly close but I just can't imagine Kim and Todd NOT as a couple. And then for him to bring a new woman to Caroline's house is going to be really weird. It kind of feels like they're still married and he's going to bring a date to his daughter's graduation party. I know that's not the case, but that's what it feels like.

Okay, so Todd settled for a matronly chick, because he wants to be married.

Kim, on the other hand, is checking her options out. A little physical run down on Kim is in order. She's not a model, but she's not chopped liver, either. She takes care of herself, is conscious of her best features and has a very outgoing personality. She works out at the gym regularly so she is in very good shape. She tries to make sure her clothes are up to date and trendy and she is very good at striking up conversations.

When Kim was married to Todd, her neighbor across the street used to keep her "on retainer" for parties. When the neighbor had a party, she would ask Kim to come over to keep the conversations flowing. Kim can be in a room full of strangers and be the life of the party. She has a real gift for conversation. And she has a lot of confidence.

We have decided that most divorced women lack confidence when it comes to the dating scene. That seems to be the major piece that is missing from the divorced women in Kim's office. They are constantly asking her how she has so many dates.

The fact that she's not overweight helps quite a bit, too, I think. I'm not trying to disrespect the plus-size gals out there, but take a look around. A lot of our population is grossly overweight. When you're overweight you tend to look much older than you actually are. Kim is experiencing the opposite. She's 48 and she is routinely attracting men in their late 20s to early 30s. It's almost become a joke between us. We both wonder if a 40-something guy will ever ask her out.

But let's get back to her dating experiences. She's had a lot of dates. All of the dates go well according to the guy.

Kim's nickname is Super Star. I frequently pretend she is like Mango from Saturday Night Live. He was that guy who was a performer and everyone who met him was immediately in love with him. He would say things like, "How do you stop the rain from falling? Can you hold a moon beam in your hand? Such is Mango. You can't have-a the Mango!" Here's a clip from Saturday Night Live starring Mango and David Duchovny. It is five minutes long, but it's funny.

Well, Kim is like that on dates. The guy always falls for the Super Star personality and wants to go out again. Kim, on the other hand, is not always so smitten. She is in the position of being the one to reject. We were just talking about this yesterday. She said she knows the day will come when she is the smitten one who becomes the rejected party. And she knows that will be a rude awakening. But so far that hasn't happened.

Anyway, while we were talking I asked her why she doesn't approach a man and ask him out. This is the new millennium baby. I would think a man would find it refreshing to be asked out. No one likes rejection and when you ask someone out on a date, you're looking the beast in the face, so to speak. It takes a lot of courage to ask a chick out. Why not turn the tables and seek out a cute guy who looks like he's in his 40s?

So the new plan is for her to check out her options wherever she is and proceed accordingly. I told her check out his left hand first. If there's no ring and no tan line, proceed to his gut. Is it hanging over his belt? If yes, keep on walking. If no, check out his face. Is it cute? Are you attracted to him? If so, turn on the Super Star charm and see what kind of personality he has.

Just a note to the married men out there who do not wear wedding bands: this is how society does it. If you're married, you wear a ring and that is the way others know you are not available to date. If you don't wear a ring you are sending a message out there that you are not married. You are available. [Side note within a side note: Rob, the punk ass brother-in-law who hit on me, does not wear a wedding band and I have always thought that was odd.] So I understand that a bare left hand doesn't always mean availability, but it's the first indicator.

That's her new assignment. She is to look at the pool of men around her, see what interests her and approach with caution.


2006-12-03 at 6:59 a.m.

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