2007-09-17

six ways to cope with Big Brother withdrawal

As you may know, my beloved Big Brother is drawing to a close. The last episode is on tomorrow night (Tuesday, September 18 on CBS).

Small side note: have you noticed that CBS used to have a public service announcement that advertised a site called CBS Cares? The web address was cbscares.com and every time I saw that I would think of CBS dressed up as a ghost in a white sheet scaring the cr@p out of anyone who ventured near.

Well, recently I noticed they advertise it on television as CBS cares.com with a space between the S and the start of the word cares, I assume, to avoid the ghost complex. I found that amusing.

Okay, since Big Brother is ending and I truly look forward to the new season each summer I am feeling a tad bummed out that it is basically over. So I thought I could come up with some options to help wean myself off of Big Brother. I can't be alone here in my love of BB, so I shall write this as a guide for others, as well, who suffer from Big Brother Withdrawal.

1. When life becomes overwhelming go outside, behind the garage, and talk to an invisible camera. Imagine you are in the Diary Room and this is your chance to complain, in private, about what is going on.
2. If your boss/children/spouse/parents/whoever are getting you down, imagine you are in the Diary Room on Live Eviction Night. "Julie, I have to vote to evict my mother." Then you can make a quick (imaginary) goodbye video to her that she will watch while sitting with Julie Chen. Julie will say, "Mom, in the event you were the one voted out, Jim taped a good bye message. Let's watch that now." Cut to the video of you, "Mom, you know I love you, but I just can't live with you nagging me all the time. I told you I would clean the kitchen later. But you couldn't deal with that, so I had to evict you. Hopefully we can be friends outside of the house. Remember, it's just a game. No hard feelings."
3. As a parent I run into a lot of squabbling amongst my children; I imagine anyone in management runs into the same issue at work. Perhaps a Power of Veto competition could be created to decide who "wins" the argument. Since it would take a lot of effort to construct life-sized tea cups in the back yard or in the break room at work, we could just assume the parent or the boss, as the case may be, has won Power of Veto (without the competition). Then the parent or the boss could make the warring parties present their case for why he or she should be awarded the Power of Veto.
4. If things are boring at work, create an alliance with your boss, then stir up some controversy with your co-workers. You can work both sides and enjoy the outcome. Oh wait a minute, that's what usually happens at the work place. Scratch that one. At least that's how my family of origin operates. You can decide for yourself on this one.
5. Create your own Head of Household room. Install a lock on your bedroom door and a doorbell. Put a small basket of Cheetos, a personal photo and a favorite sweatshirt on your nightstand. When things become too much, announce to your housemates that you are going to be in the HOH room and you don't want to be disturbed. Lie in bed with some headphones on and listen to your mp3 player while you consider who you are going to nominate for eviction. 'The cat has been peeing outside of the litter box lately, and Dad is really on my case about mowing the lawn. Then again, Bob has been leaving the toilet seat up even though I have been asking him repeatedly to put it down...'
6. Place your household on Slop. If you don't have housemates, place your cat or dog on slop for a week. Then see if Fido has the same attitude problem a week later.

I know I can get past this with a little effort. Maybe all I need to do is make a quiet whirring sound to simulate the cameras auto-focusing as I walk around my house.

Enjoy the Season Finale!

2007-09-17 at 6:07 a.m.

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