2007-09-16
embarking on self discovery
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I noticed this past summer that my belly button is unconventional. For all intents and purposes, it appears to be normal and thankfully it is an "innie," meaning it is nestled inside the hole that creates the button, if you will. During all three of my pregnancies the button took a walk on the wild side and became an "outie" for the last two months or so. That bordered on a traumatic experience for me, but thankfully it receded back into its home after each baby was born. And for that, I will be eternally grateful.
Side note: I just remembered a crazy little fact that the dental hygienist shared with me about seven years ago. We must have been talking about the fact that I was nursing my first baby. Anyway, she was saying it was good that I was having success with that because the dentist's wife had "inverted nipples" and she was not able to breastfeed their children.
Um, I didn't even use the word "breast" in that conversation. Believe it or not, I am modest. I realize I am one nosy mother, but even I draw the line somewhere. I kind of wish I could use a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to scrub that tidbit of intimate knowledge out of the recesses of my brain. But if I have to know about it, now all of you have to know about it, too.
Okay, let's get back to my belly button. It's normal in every way, except I have noticed it is off center on my torso. Over the summer I have lost maybe three pounds and firmed my abs by an inch or so. Now the shorts/pants I wear are about one-half size too large. So the shorts sag a bit underneath my belly button.
This allows me to see how my belly button lines up with the actual button and button hole on the shorts. I am making the assumption that the metal button on the garment is centered. If this assumption is true, then my belly button is a tad off-center over to my right. (Your left if you were to look at me, but my belly button is classified information and the only person who ever sees it is Mr. Cardiogirl. I suppose I could show it to you, but then I'd have to kill you. And since I enjoy the readership, I don't want you to die. Just trust me, it's a bit off center.)
Now I know what you're going to say. "So one pair of shorts has a button that doesn't line up. You're jumping to conclusions, Cardiogirl."
No, no jumping here.
This phenomenon occurs with every pair of pants, shorts and "active wear" pants I own. (The active wear is also known as exercise pants which sport a drawstring and the holes for the drawstrings are to the left of my belly button, too.)
I'd love to tell you my wardrobe comes exclusively from a small but friendly Ukrainian man who tailors each outfit to my particular needs, but that would be a lie. I would also love to tell you everything I buy comes straight from Nordstrom's, but that, too, would be a lie.
I shop primarily at Target and Kohl's with an occasional jaunt to the Salvation Army. So the point is that my pants come from a wide cross-section of the retail world, which leads me to believe my belly button is the one with the problem.
I'm not saying I'm going to have surgery to correct this. I'm saying I find it interesting and kind of surprising. Period.
Now let's get to the denial part of this post. I am in denial because I believe my body shape has actually changed. I used to be a classic pear. But I believe I have recently morphed into an apple. Both of these shapes are not cool, in my book. I would rather be a bean pole, but that's not happening. So in that case, I would like to stick with the evil I know, which is a pear. Now that my body is holding weight in the stomach area, I don't like it one bit.
But I have been exercising and working out with weights, so I recently tried on a pair of shorts that I used to fit into (back when I was at my ideal weight between child number two and child number three.) To my shock and horror, I noted that they fit fine in the upper thigh and glute area, but I could not button them! My waist and mid-section was too large.
This may seem like a minor problem to you. But to me, this was akin to being on the phone with 911 while I was hiding upstairs in the closet. When I could not button the shorts, it was like the 911 operator screaming into the phone, "Get out of the house right now! The call is coming FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!" Needless to say, I was shocked at the realization. My name is Cardiogirl and I am an apple. No longer a pear.
So like everything else about my body that I cannot control or explain, I blame it on the pregnancies.
I feel like my mind and my body are in a dietary war. My mind will win the battle. I just learned some more tactical information that will result in a victory somewhere down the line. It might take years, but I will win the war. I'll make my body surrender and wave the white flag.
Some day.
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2007-09-16 at 7:41 a.m.
