2007-07-10
prayers and dreams
|For the last week or so I have been dreaming about my sister and brother-in-law. It could be because her birthday is Saturday and she is traipsing about in the back of my mind. Or it could be that her husband is a jackass. I think it's a combination of both.
Whatever the case, it's annoying.
Frequently, in the dream, I am at their house, on their territory. I know that's how Caroline feels because she told me quite a while ago that she likes to deal with our family of origin on her terms at her house. It makes her feel more in control, rather than being at our parent's house or a sibling's house. My anxiety, on the other hand, is equal opportunity and I feel the tension around my family no matter where I am. Aren't I lucky?
So anyway, when I'm at their house or at work with them (the other locale of the dream) I am usually around other people as well (the rest of the family or my former boss and co-workers) and I am being forced to work with my sister's husband like nothing is wrong. I feel very resentful and uptight in the dream but I usually don't say anything.
Just for the record the only people I told about this incident are my husband, my therapist and my sister Kim. So according to the rest of the family everything is status quo. Now Caroline and Rob have pulled back from family outings so thankfully I have not seen Rob for a good 18 months. My hope is that I never lay eyes on him again. I know that's probably not realistic, but it's what I would like.
I don't know what resolution looks like in this situation. I am still very offended and angry about it. I'm not sure I'll ever feel okay about it and my relationship with my sister has pretty much been destroyed. Basically I only really think about it when I have a weird dream that references it. My priest suggested I pray for my enemy him without intention in the following way. "This prayer is for Rob, Lord may Your will be done."
I have done this, but when I am praying I cannot help myself and I amend the prayer to say, "This prayer is for that jackass Rob: Lord may Your will be done." I keep telling myself I am only human and I'm doing the best I can to be charitable. I think God understands.
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Sending out a thank you: I'm sending an extra 1000 strides on the elliptical trainer to janedoe0 who added me as a favorite recently. Thanks Jane!
2007-07-10 at 6:52 a.m.
